There’s no easy way to drop this bomb, so let’s just get it out of the way. I will not be running Rim2Rim2Rim as planned in early April.
As for why, that’s where it gets a little complicated. Back in November I started having hip pain. From what I can tell the discomfort is coming from both tensor fasciae latae, and more intense and persistant on my left. Everything I’ve read said it’s because of sitting. The problem with this possible cause? I don’t sit much. In fact, I have a standing desk at work and I tend to still be on the move when I get home at night, so…???
At first I thought I could power through it, and so I did. I kept running, the pain getting more and more intense with each run and lasting well after my runs, to the point that they just hurt 24/7. I foam rolled and even asked for DH’s helping hand with massaging, but nothing even remotely helped. After a 10 mile training ‘run’ from absolute hell I finally caved and put up my feet. No physical activity other than normal day-to-day stuff. The 2nd week I re-implemented upper body strength training but still stayed away from running.
I returned to running on the 3rd week hopeful and only went out for 2 miles. While it went well it still wasn’t normal. Over the past month I’ve played around with speed, stride, more rest days between, but once again, nothing is fixing the problem. In the perfect world I’d be visiting a chiropractor, massotherapist, physical therapist, and acupuncturist. Alas, the world is not perfect.
It was time for a heart to heart with myself. I couldn’t keep doing this to my mind and body. In itself, attempting the R2R2R is no joke. There are no aid stations where I can drop, so once I’m in the Grand Canyon, it’s all up to me to make it back out. Not only would I be dealing with the pain (aside from the obvious pain that comes along from ultrarunning), but I also wouldn’t be prepared due to my lack of training.
So, 2 weeks ago I made the call and decided to tell my crew that I would not be joining them in our planned R2R2R in April. I made it clear that this was strictly a postponement and I hope to be return to the idea in Fall 2016 or Spring 2017.
However, I can’t help but wonder if I should stop running….all together.
Before you say, “Heidi, step back from the edge. Don’t blow this out of proportion. You’re a runner, you’re bound to have a setback now and again,” hear me out.
(Before I even start: Yes, I’ve had my gait analyzed, been fitted for shoes, and tried countless brands and models. I’ve also been to a podiatrist and have custom insoles. I’m also not a stranger to having an injury or setback, working through it, and starting back at square zero. In other words, this isn’t my first rodeo.)
The whole reason I started to run was because it was a challenge to overcome (and it was time for me to change some bad habits). However, when I started to run I had no idea that the biggest obstacle to overcome was pain. I thought that over time the pain would get better and runs would one day come easy. Ha! Boy, was I wrong.
What I’m saying is that for me running doesn’t come easy. Tempo runs? Hill repeats? Hell, I’m just trying to make it THROUGH a run without adding in all that stuff.
In my 9 years of running I have yet to have to have an easy run. It doesn’t matter how fast or slow I go, it’s all the same. It’s uncomfortable. Most days it painful. I’m sure much of it can be attributed to fracturing my femur back in 1994. To an observer, they would have no idea I suffered this injury, and most days it can go unnoticed by me. However, what I do notice is that I adjust my gait and stance to compensate (overcompensate) for residual issues. It’s no surprise that this is exacerbated when I run and put stress on my body.
I’m sure I can also attribute my challenges to my body type as well. Nah, I don’t think you have to have a ‘runner’s body’ to run, but there’s no denying the fact that having a certain physique helps people to be a bit more successful when it comes to running. When’s the last time you saw a pear-shaped women win the Boston Marathon? Not hating. Just stating. Sure I could put myself through rigorous workouts to lean out and try to speed up, but there’s no changing my anatomy.
Of course, I could pull back on my running, but quite frankly I don’t run near as much as many others or even close to what I used to run in previous years. I average 2-3 miles on my day-to-day runs and am cognizant to slowly ramp up whenever I am training. I’ve also learned to focus on the journey, reigned in signing up for races when I found it’s just not my thing, and have truly embraced the idea that I just run. I’m not real sure how much more I can dial it down.
I could try other activities (and am actually inclined to dig deeper into weight lifting) but running is so simple and it’s there. I don’t NEED anything but my running shoes and to simply step outside.
Ultimately the idea of not having running as part of my life is near impossible to fathom. At this point it’s part of my identity and who I am, but as with anything, I need to find a balance that is healthy for my mind, body, and soul…and right now it seems impossible to accomplish.
